my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
