Got a toothbrush?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
