I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
