Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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