Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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