If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
BRING THE BAGELS
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
