And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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