so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
