I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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