no, he came in my armpit
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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