Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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