Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
