guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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