Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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