You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
