If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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