Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
