They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize