am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
