i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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