My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
