office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
