I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
