I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
