if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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