I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
