I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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