Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
