I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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