Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
