Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
