he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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