3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
