i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
