It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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