Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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