I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All the doctor said was why
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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