I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
