dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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