There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
