it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
