drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
