38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My balls are so social today.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
