Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
