i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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