I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
