I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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