Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
