Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
