So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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