Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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