Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
