I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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