i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
