There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
