He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
