I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
