I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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