This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
